


Playing House

by VirtualStar



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Emotional Constipation, POV John, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-16
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-12 16:44:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1192413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VirtualStar/pseuds/VirtualStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John wants to blame someone; Sherlock, Mary, whoever but is quite aware that the only person to blame is himself. It says something about your capacity as a husband when the woman who was prepared to kill your best friend to protect your relationship is fed up with you and kicks you out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Playing House

John wants to blame someone; Sherlock, Mary, whoever but is quite aware that the only person to blame is himself. It says something about your capacity as a husband when the woman who was prepared to kill your best friend to protect your relationship decides she is fed up with you and kicks you out.

On the street with a bag with some belongings John thinks about what lead to this point and what to do now. The most logical thing would be to start searching a place to spend the night. What John wants is to go to Baker Street and see Sherlock but he doesn't think that is a very good idea, seeing how that is part of the reason of Mary's anger, among many others.

 

After discovering her past, John decided to destroy the pen-drive with Mary's history, and that issue was closed in John's mind. Everything was fine for a while; the last days of pregnancy, the birth of Laura, their daughter. His family was picture perfect, if you forgot about the ex-killer mother and the danger junkie father.

John didn't see much of Sherlock, him being busy with Moriarty's return, working with the secret service under Mycroft's lead. It was hard to be left behind. He actually offered his help to Sherlock but he was rejected. The last time John asked, Sherlock's answer was a unreadable look and a reminder that he should have his hands full taking care of Laura and Mary.

Mary started to behaving a bit strangely, sending sad looks to John, until one day after the baby was sleeping he sat with John on the sofa and started talking.

"John, back then, at Christmas, I was happy that you decided to come back without reading the pen-drive." she looked at John seriously and continued "But I have been thinking, and I would like to come clear. I think... it would be better, for us to not have secrets between us".

John was speechless. At this point that was the last thing that he was expecting. He felt a lead ball settling in his stomach and he couldn't find the right words. Of course he knew what the right words were; accepting her request, being the understanding husband. Because she was right, that secret was kind of a wall between them.

But he could say it. He didn't want to know the dark secrets; he liked to forget about it and think about his family as one of those perfect and loving ones and a ex killer didn't fit the idea. Well, a danger addict didn't fit either, but he hasn't been in a case with Sherlock since he came back four minutes after being sent on a mission for penance.

At that moment, he hated Mary. Hated her for breaking the peace, for making him face the fact that his family wasn't what he always wanted.

"I... can't" said John "Right now, I can't deal with this. Maybe someday, but not now Mary".

Her wife was looking at him with disappointment in her eyes but nodded.

"I understand. I want to tell you, but I will wait for you to be ready John" her words not matching her eyes.

She kissed John's cheek and left, picking Laura from her crib towards the child's room.

 

Sherlock was still quite missing. John went to Baker Street several times, wanting to meet Sherlock even if it was only for a cup of tea. He wasn't missing only the danger, but the man himself. He ofter wondered if he ate properly, or if he was being an idiot, endangering himself. He texted Sherlock several times but the didn't receive usually an answer, and when he did they were usually short replies, informing him that he was fine.

Most of the times he visited Baker Street, Sherlock wasn't there. Sometimes he was, but busy with experiments, with the case or leaving.

Back at home, John lived on autopilot. He worked, he spends his free time taking care of Laura or with Mary. Once in a while he went out to drink a couple of pints with some friends. Well, maybe more like acquaintances. He didn't see much of Lestrade or Mike, two people he considered friends.

Mary tried to talk again about her past but John didn't want to hear. Couldn't. If he did, he though that he wouldn't be able to see her wife as the woman he decided to marry but as the woman who lied to him, who tried to kill his best friend.

And he was growing irritable about his best friend as well. He felt left out of Sherlock's life. The last time they met, his resentment was too much to keep his opinion for himself and ended up shouting at Sherlock about how he didn't talk to him, how he didn't count on him and how he was ignoring him.

"John" Sherlock looked at him with pain? "I can't... keep you with me. You decided you wanted another kind of life. I can't call you at 3 in the morning to come with me to a stakeout, or ask you to leave your job at noon to pursue a clue. And this is not the kind of case you can come as a after-work activity".

"Fine! Fine! I'll stop bothering you. You know where I am if you need something!" said John and left angrily, ashamed. He knew Sherlock was right. He had responsibilities, he couldn't endanger himself for the sake of the thrill when he had to think about his daughter. Still, it hurt not being needed by Sherlock, who used to want John always around to the point of interrupting his dates, his sleep and his job.

 

John realises that he has been walking towards Baker Street without almost noticing. He doesn't really have many other places to spend the night. Harry's too far and they end up arguing when they are together, and his relationship with Lestrade has not been as good as it used to be.

There is still the possibility that Sherlock will deny him access to his old home. John didn't try to contact him again since the last argument.

He still has the key. Opening without knocking or calling beforehand feels invasive but the doesn't want to give explanations, not yet to Mrs. Hudson. John opens the door and climbs the stairs. This time he knocks the door to 221B.

"John" says Sherlock surprised when he opens the door.

"I..., Can I sleep here?" asks John, head low.

"This is still your house, John" says Sherlock letting John come inside.

John is expecting for Sherlock to start deducing him, why is he there with a bag instead at home with his family. When he doesn't but simply goes to the kitchen and puts the kettle on, John feels a knot in his throat.

When Sherlock puts the warm tea mug in his hands, John feels everything clicking in its place and feels filled with nostalgia. They drink their tea in silence; Sherlock looking at John and John looking at the floor.

"I'm going to sleep" says John upon finishing his tea.

"John, why..." starts Sherlock.

"Not now" cuts John "maybe tomorrow Sherlock but not now".

Sherlock doesn't try again.

 

Later, lying on his old bed John thinks about Mary's ultimatum. She is hurt by John's negative to even start to listen to her secrets about her previous life. She is tired of hearing John complaining about how Sherlock is leaving him behind. She is fed up with John behaving like a zombie, tired and moving automatically. And most of all, she is sick to dead of the fact that John doesn't seem to want to talk about it, to do something to be a functional person again.

She doesn't even want a immediate change, just the compromise that he will try. But John last though before falling asleep is how everything feels right, just lying at his bed in Baker Street, with the strange smells that are always around thanks to Sherlock's experiments and listening to the sounds the detective is making downstairs while he studies the ongoing case.

**Author's Note:**

> This kind of reflects my thoughs on John and season 3. I think that deciding to destroy the pendrive without reading it is not a proof of love towards Mary, but the decision to live a lie thinking that you are going to be happy playing house with what should be your perfectly loving wife and your child.


End file.
